Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
