Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
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