when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
