I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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