I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
