oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
