So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
i've created a new STD.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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