Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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