sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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