on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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