dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
You took a bar mat shot.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
