my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize