these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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