It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I love you. Go after that dick
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
