I'm so fucking centered right now
Well apparently he's into motor boating.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
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