It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
