she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
It's blow job season.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
