Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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