I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
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Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
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He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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