OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
