At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
