New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
