Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
