I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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