omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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