In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
