i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
