Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Randomize
