he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Randomize
