i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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