Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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