I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
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