His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
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