i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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