Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
