Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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