Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize
