How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Mom said you looked used
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
