I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
