I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
