I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
