i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
He kissed a someone with a penis
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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