I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
