god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
