Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Randomize
