Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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