The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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