Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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