Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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