I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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