The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Randomize
