Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
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