So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
