My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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