New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
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