I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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