Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
