she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
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