You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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