she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
