just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
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I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
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He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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