I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Randomize
