my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
