Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
