This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
it's not cheating when I paid for it
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
