I skipped work to stalk him.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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