The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
