I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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