Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
