once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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