i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I still have a little drunk in my system
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
