he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
