I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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