The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i just had sex bonerless
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
