She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
