i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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