Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
