The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
