I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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